Uh-Oh

My period is late. All I can say is... opps. I haven't had the time to get a pregnancy test, but I'm thinking maybe I should? I need to find out ASAP! A part of me is like "oh no, I couldn't possibly be pregnant", but the other part is like "hmm... could I be? Could I?!"

And if I am? Then seriously, opps! I hadn't thought it out thorougly at all. I need to get hot before I get pregnant again. Otherwise won't I forever have a belly overhang? And what about that freedom that I'm so close to having? Soon I can go out and party agian, but if I'm pregnant than pfft, good luck going out! Bye bye life, once agian.

Oh no. Oh dear. Arrggghhhh! Why do I do this to myself?

Ok, just breathe....

I'm not pregnant. I know I'm not. I can't be. Off I go to the store to buy a test and confirm what I already know... I hope!

I'm Not Pregnant... Boo Hoo

*Sniffle* I'm not pregnant. The four pregnant tests I've taken have all confirmed the same thing to me. BFNs! Oh well. There's always next cycle.

I was looking at some old photos of me and my god, my skin was so clear. I looked like a model. And now? I'm a spotty mess. Seriously, what is up with my skin? It's a break out bonanza. Why? Why, Lord, why? Please give me back my clear skin!

Maybe it's got something to do with getting my period? Hmm.

I need to get hot agian. I need to lose a bit of weight, just a few kilos, say 3kgs. And fix my skin up. And tone up. I wish I could do all that without actually having to do anything. But no, I'm gonnna have to work hard at it.

At least it'll take my mind off baby making for a while!

TTC

Um. For some reason I really want another baby. I must be a glutton for punishment. Seriously, why would I want another baby when only ten months ago I was pushing one out of my hoohaa? I’ve been watching tons of TTC (trying to conceive) videos on YOUTUBE and I’m starting to wish I was right there with them. Problem is, I don’t have a willing participant. My partner thinks I’m crazy for wanting another one, what with the postnatal depression and what not. He says that one is enough.

One is enough for him, maybe. But not for me. I did something a little sneaky a week ago. After he came on me, I wiped up some of the goop with my finger and stuck it up myself. I know. I stole some sperm, hoping it’d make me pregnant. I don’t even think it was during my fertile time, but I was desperate! I really wanted to get pregnant agian.

Then I read in one of my pregnancy books that it’s really, really hard to get pregnant just like that. You need a live egg and supersperm and the timing must be absolutely perfect. So, dejected, I stopped thinking about the possibility of conception occuring that day. In fact, as the days went by I thought to myself “why do I want another baby?” I could barely look after the one I had, bless his little soul. In fact, I was looking forward to when my son would get older so I co uld go out agian and reclaim some sort of life.

So I thought, “nah, I don’t want another baby!” I’m happy with my life the way it is. Another kid will be more sleepless nights and pooey bums and basically no life whatsoever.

This morning I woke up and realised I had my hand on my belly, like I was pregnant. Then I went out and when I went to the toilet to pee, I had tons of milky white mucus on my panties. And my boobs are starting to get a little sore. Hmm… could I possibly be…?

Christian Louboutin

I really, really, REALLY want a pair of Christian Louboutin heels. Just a basic pump in black or that C'est Moi boot. Anything really. They're just so hot. All the celebs wear them. Why shouldn't I? I'm going to start saving up for my first pair.

I'm So Back

Here I am agian. Guess what? I'm actually hot! I didn't think I'd be after pushing out a 3.5kg baby, but four and a half months down the track here I am, quite possibly better than when I started. I've whittled down to 58kgs from 75kgs. Not bad, eh? Just in time for christmas! In my previous post I was worried about having a jelly belly. It's not too bad, if I am careful with the calories I consume I think I can get a pretty flat tummy by the time xmas rolls around. Happy bikini days are here again!

I'm such a celeb. If only I were talented at acting or singing, I'd have fit into Hollywood no probs. I have such a celeb lifestyle, minus the money. I have a baby (most celebs do ie: Jessica Alba, Gwen, Angelina Jolie to name a few), I sprang back into shape asap after I gave birth (just like all the starlets do), I have postnatal depression (Angelina Jolie), I've had a stint in a psychiatric ward (Britney Spears... and sure, nothing to be proud of but omg, I'm just like her!), and I'm still hot even after giving birth (Christina Aguilera). So, yeah. Just ask for my autograph, why don't you?

Haha. You can see why I had to go to hospital. I'm just so messed up. *sigh*. At least I'm pretty.

Will I Have a Jelly Belly?

I'm getting really paranoid that my belly's gonna end up looking like this at the end of my pregnancy. Eek! Granted, the woman in the picture was pregnant with triplets, but still. This is my second pregnancy after all. They say that after getting pregnant the first time your abdominal muscles weaken and it's harder to regain your figure with each subsequent pregnancy. Uh-oh.

I have been slathering on Palmers Cocoa Butter Concentrated Stretch Mark Cream daily since 2 months ago, but I already have stretch marks from my previous pregnancy and this bump is a lot bigger than my last. Plus I'm fatter. So I am destined to have an ugly, loose jelly belly aren't I? *Sobs* Oh why oh why am I even having a baby? Sheesh! I've already got one, what am I gonna do with another?!

8 Months of Gluttony

Yippee! I have just 2 more months to go before I pop out the baby and can get all skinny and sexy. As of lately I've been stuffing my face and sitting on my bum all day long. Seriously, I've turned into such a glutton. My only excuse is that I've just entered my 8th month of pregnancy (I'm catching up to Jessica Alba, apparently we're both due in June!) I'm so scared that I won't be able to lose all of the 14 kilos that I've gained thus far. I'm shaking from fear in my ugg boots as I cram M&Ms in my mouth. Eek!

I have discovered the official Kim Kardashian website, OMG, why hadn't I ever come across it before?! It was just what I needed when I actually found out about Kim. Her website has make-up tips and so much other useful facts, I LOVE IT!! I absolutely love it!

And speaking of make-up... I am 24 years old and have only recently discovered the girly delights of it! Back in high school and my early twenty's, I was never one to wear any make up. Ever. For one, I didn't need it, people told me I was pretty all the time, and two, I just didn't know how to apply it, and was too lazy to learn or care. But now, omg, take me to any cosmetic counter and I could happily spend all day there. I have spent more on make-up in the past 6 months than I have in the past 6 years! Can you believe it? Unfortunately, I don't actually get a chance to use it, as I'm so fat and frumpy and have been hiding away within these four walls. But I'm sure once the bub's out I'll lose weight and be back to my usual flashy self... I hope! Most likely it'll be that I'm too busy with bub to even contemplate a shower. Mmm, classy!

My Latest Obsession

This is my latest obsession. Her name is Miranda Kerr and boy is she hot. I've always liked her- I was once an avid fan of DOLLY magazine and I knew that she'd win the modeling competition in 1997. Her latest contract with Victoria's Secret has really pushed her to fame and while I've always admired her looks, I think I've fallen even more in love with her (if at all possible!)

I cannot wait to pop out this baby and start losing weight and all that hoohaa. I want to look just like a Victoria's Secret model. I may not have the height (sadly I stand at just 5'4), but I do have a natural model-ish physique and awesome bone structure (if I do say so myself). Hey, I'm not conceited, just confident! Obviously, with me ballooning in this pregnancy I'm not feeling all that great about myself but I know that after giving birth I will be able to whittle down and glam myself up. Here's the plan:

HOW TO LOOK HOT AFTER POPPING OUT A BABY

• Breastfeed like crazy
  
• Limit calorie intake to 1200-1500 per day
• Drink 3-4 litres of h2o daily
• Take up pilates and stretching
  
• Eat healthy foods, not junk
  

The plan is pretty straightforward. I've got roughly another 3 months of being pregnant (assuming all goes well) and I should be able to implement all those points fairly easily once bub arrives.

Another key point to looking like a Victoria's Secret model is GLAMOUR. Those girls never have a hair out of place, and if they do, it just adds to their appeal. They always wear simple outfits yet still have that wow factor and I can honestly say that in my eyes they are the epitome of perfection. And by the end of the year I should be too!

Redken Rocks!

I used to wash my hair every single day. I thought it was normal. If I didn't wash it, it would feel all gritty and oily. I always wondered why my hair was really brittle and frizzy... until I found out that you're not supposed to wash your hair so often! After 20 and so years of constant washing, no wonder it was in the state it was in!

I switched from Pantene products to Matrix Sleek Look, as recommended by a hairdresser. I stopped washing frequently also, cutting down to two or three times a week. It made a little bit of a difference, mostly that my hair wasn't so oily even if it hadn't been washed in two days. Also, my scalp wasn't flaking as much. And my ends weren't so frizzy.

Recently, however, I've switched from Matrix to Redken Smooth Down. OMG. Their shampoo is awesome! After shampooing, I don't even feel like I need to condition my hair at all (even though I do)! It's such a light shampoo and does what it claims to do. I treat my hair weekly to the Smooth Down Butter Treat weekly as well, and it really, really makes a difference. I'm amazed at how much my hair has changed... from frizzy and brittle to soft and bouncy. Like, seriously! How can switching products make such a difference?! I totally love my hair now, it's well on it's way to looking more like Kim K's... yippee!

I'm Going to Lose Weight

You know what? If Jessica Alba is in her third trimester how in the hell can her belly bump be so small?! I've just entered my 6th month, so I'm a month off till I'm in the third trimester. Yet I am a heifer. Granted, first babies tend to be smaller and this is my second, so she does have that advantage. Plus she was going to the gym every ten seconds. But still. It doesn't make me feel good at all.

I have noticed that I look totally different. Like, my face has gained weight. Eww. At my best, I'm 56ish kgs. Right now I am 69kg. WTF? Before I was pregnant, I weighed about 60kgs. I was fairly happy with how I looked. Now I avoid mirrors like they're brussel sprouts. I totally hate how I look. I feel so frumpy. I don't look good, therefore I don't feel good. And the only way I'll feel good about myself is if I look good.

Hence my new ingenious plan to lose weight. That's right, I may be pregnant but I'm going to do it. Doctors do allow overweight pregnant ladies to lose weight to better their health, and since I weigh more than I usually do, I can class myself as overweight. I'm not going to do anything crazy. I'll keep it simple: excercise daily and keep an eye on my diet. That's all. Nothing drastic, I'm not going to do anything to harm my baby. I'm not, like, stupid!

So I weigh 69kgs now. My gaol is to whittle down to 65kgs or, failing that, just NOT gain anymore weight at all. AT ALL. So once the baby pops out I'll be able to get down to 56kgs easy peasy. Yay!

Goodbye, Figure. Hello, Flab!

I'm pregnant. Not only that, but I'm in the middle of my fifth month already. And do you know what I have been doing? No? Well let me tell you. I have been stuffing my face... with chips, with cake, with chocolate, with anything edible that has been deep fried... twice. Oh dear. And the worst part is, so many hot celebs are pregnant at the moment. Halle Berry, J.Lo, Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba to name a few. It's bad enough being pregnant and feeling like the world's biggest frump, but do the stars have to rub it in your face when they step out looking all pregnant yet still hot? Argh! How can one compete? Nicole Richie and Christina are already back to looking their fab selves after what, two weeks of giving birth?! Jeebuz!

I must, I must, I must stop eating junk. Sure, it's not too great for the baby but worse than that is the fact that it's not too good for my FIGURE! (Can you tell I'm high off jealousy?)

Oh, btw, I'm so over Kim K. I think my latest obsession is Jessica Alba, because she happens to be pregnant and at the same stage as me. As well as the fact that my bf loves her to death. I'm sure once she's popped the kid out she'll spring straight back into her pre-pregnancy figure, as celebs are apt to do. Oh dear. Remind me not to eat for the rest of the week.

Metal Mouth

I'm going to get my teeth straightened. Coming from a poor family, my parents never had the money to get my teeth done. Now I'm 23 and I may not make a fortune, but I can have braces financed. It's going to cost $5,600 and I'm going to have to make an initial payment of $1,200 once I get them on. So I need to save up like a mofo in order to achieve my celebrity smile.

My teeth aren't too bad. If I smile head on you most likely won't notice, but if you see me smile on my right side you can tell one tooth is sticking out a little. And that annoys me like hell, so I'm going whack it into place with the help of my orthodontist. As well as a fix up that darn crowding problem. So in 18+ months time I'll be able to smile big and wide, like Julia Roberts. Yay for me!

Waxing woes

If there's one thing I suck at, it's waxing my legs. I can't wax to save my life. I can do my underarms and upperlips, but for the life of me I cannot figure out my legs. You'd think it'd be the easiest bit to do- it's a relatively flat, large surface. Even when I spend hundreds of dollars on different types of wax and waxing kits; strip wax, salon wax, pre-wax strips, it doesn't matter, it always goes pear shaped for me.

Which is why I just paid $19 to get a half leg wax done proffessionally. I just don't understand... how come, when the beautician applies the wax, it slides on smoothly and consistently? And when they tear the strip away, all the hairs come out? It's so not fair. But it looks like I'm going to always have to get my legs done at the beauty salon.

Superstar underarms

I had an IPL treatment on my underarms yesterday. Contrary to the claims, the f**king thing does hurt... a LOT. I was in tears. But it's all so worth it if, after the complete 6-8 treatments, I won't ever have to shave my armpits agian. I figured that all celebs would laser away any unwanted hair and go out without having to wax anything to make their life simpler. I thought I'd do the same thing. I'm sick of having to wait for the hair to grow a certain length before I can wax, or in an emergency situation, shave. It's quite costly but it's a small price to pay if it takes me one step closer to being like my idol. Maybe next year in winter I'll get my legs done too!

Why I want to be Kim Kardashian

Yo. Is Kim Kardashian not the hottest? I think I may have a tiny crush on her. It's not the "omg, like, I wanna f**k her" kind of crush. It's more like the "oh wow, she's so hot, I wish I were her" crush. And what's not to like about her? She's rich, hot, sexy, and did I mention hot? The appeal for me is that she's like a hot version of Paris Hilton. And yes, I admit that I do indeed admire Paris. Whatever! I've always loved Paris Hilton simply because she lead the simple life. Us girls all want that, and those who claim they'd rather be a starved african child than be rich and famous for doing nothing is totally kidding herself.

Kim K is living the life I wish I had. Plus she's hot. I want that kind of lifestyle... I want to be just as hot too. So here's the plan: to transform myself to be as Kim Kardashian-esque as possible. Complete with all the bells and whistles, but (sadly) minus the bank account. She is my idol, and that's why I'm going to follow in her footsteps.

Take today, for example. I cut my hair to the same length and style that Kim currently wears hers. It helps that I have black hair. In fact, I have several features similar to Kim's, and that may be why I subconciously choose to admire her just a tad more than Paris Hilton. My hair now reaches midway past my back and is layered just like so in the picture.

So, getting my hair done like someone else's may not be such a big deal, but I'm taking small baby steps towards my goal. I still have the body, the clothes, the attitude to work towards. And what about the lifestyle? Dolce&Gabbana, here I come!