Uh-Oh

My period is late. All I can say is... opps. I haven't had the time to get a pregnancy test, but I'm thinking maybe I should? I need to find out ASAP! A part of me is like "oh no, I couldn't possibly be pregnant", but the other part is like "hmm... could I be? Could I?!"

And if I am? Then seriously, opps! I hadn't thought it out thorougly at all. I need to get hot before I get pregnant again. Otherwise won't I forever have a belly overhang? And what about that freedom that I'm so close to having? Soon I can go out and party agian, but if I'm pregnant than pfft, good luck going out! Bye bye life, once agian.

Oh no. Oh dear. Arrggghhhh! Why do I do this to myself?

Ok, just breathe....

I'm not pregnant. I know I'm not. I can't be. Off I go to the store to buy a test and confirm what I already know... I hope!

I'm Not Pregnant... Boo Hoo

*Sniffle* I'm not pregnant. The four pregnant tests I've taken have all confirmed the same thing to me. BFNs! Oh well. There's always next cycle.

I was looking at some old photos of me and my god, my skin was so clear. I looked like a model. And now? I'm a spotty mess. Seriously, what is up with my skin? It's a break out bonanza. Why? Why, Lord, why? Please give me back my clear skin!

Maybe it's got something to do with getting my period? Hmm.

I need to get hot agian. I need to lose a bit of weight, just a few kilos, say 3kgs. And fix my skin up. And tone up. I wish I could do all that without actually having to do anything. But no, I'm gonnna have to work hard at it.

At least it'll take my mind off baby making for a while!

TTC

Um. For some reason I really want another baby. I must be a glutton for punishment. Seriously, why would I want another baby when only ten months ago I was pushing one out of my hoohaa? I’ve been watching tons of TTC (trying to conceive) videos on YOUTUBE and I’m starting to wish I was right there with them. Problem is, I don’t have a willing participant. My partner thinks I’m crazy for wanting another one, what with the postnatal depression and what not. He says that one is enough.

One is enough for him, maybe. But not for me. I did something a little sneaky a week ago. After he came on me, I wiped up some of the goop with my finger and stuck it up myself. I know. I stole some sperm, hoping it’d make me pregnant. I don’t even think it was during my fertile time, but I was desperate! I really wanted to get pregnant agian.

Then I read in one of my pregnancy books that it’s really, really hard to get pregnant just like that. You need a live egg and supersperm and the timing must be absolutely perfect. So, dejected, I stopped thinking about the possibility of conception occuring that day. In fact, as the days went by I thought to myself “why do I want another baby?” I could barely look after the one I had, bless his little soul. In fact, I was looking forward to when my son would get older so I co uld go out agian and reclaim some sort of life.

So I thought, “nah, I don’t want another baby!” I’m happy with my life the way it is. Another kid will be more sleepless nights and pooey bums and basically no life whatsoever.

This morning I woke up and realised I had my hand on my belly, like I was pregnant. Then I went out and when I went to the toilet to pee, I had tons of milky white mucus on my panties. And my boobs are starting to get a little sore. Hmm… could I possibly be…?

Christian Louboutin

I really, really, REALLY want a pair of Christian Louboutin heels. Just a basic pump in black or that C'est Moi boot. Anything really. They're just so hot. All the celebs wear them. Why shouldn't I? I'm going to start saving up for my first pair.